Do you embrace the present moment? Do you sink in and truly feel your joy, your pain, your feelings, your relationships…do you lean in?

I had ACL surgery last Thursday, I’m 4 days post-op. You can prepare yourself as much as you want for surgery, but just like everything else in life…you never know what something feels like until you go through it. Today is the first day since surgery that I’ve chosen to surrender to leaning into the entire experience. I sunk into my routine (that will last for the next few weeks) and gave myself full permission for my morning nap. Sounds silly, but I always feel like I need to do be doing something. I’m consciously leaning in. It’s almost like you need to give yourself permission to feel all the feels of the roller coaster of emotions – this doesn’t just apply to surgery, this applies to every day life. Lean in!

Pain sucks – period. I should know better, as I’ve had major surgeries before. The afternoon of surgery and the day after are a bit of a teaser, since you have all the other pain killers running through your body. It’s the handful of days after that the pain really kicks in and you have to figure out how to manage it. This is a physical game, as much as it’s a mental game. Since my mobility is drastically decreased, I had to accept the help of my AMAZING Mother and stay with her for a few days to help care for me. THIS was a tough decision. Again, may sound silly to some, but I’m the one who likes to care for others. Accepting help from others is a tough one for me, makes me feel like a burden. Once again, in true fashion of my darn word of the year, I’ve been dished some perspective. The way that it brings me joy to cook or care for others, my Mother feels the same – it’s in my blood…it’s our love language. I’m leaning in to allowing her to care for me and have stopped apologizing for asking for more water or crackers. Although, those of you that know my Mom, I don’t have to ask much, as she’s already thought of everything. I only hope to be the type of caretaker for others, as she has been many times in my life for me.

I’m going to embrace this week as I work on my healing. Lean into all aspects of my life, do some reflecting and give myself permission to rest and truly heal. For others going through similar situations, I’m not taking away the suck factor of being in pain, it’s tough…but SO ARE YOU!

My message to you…lean into ALL of it, there are always lessons, even in the pain. Being in this much pain or having the slightest movement send a shock wave through my body, makes me want to do ALL the things to heal properly, and that includes rest, accepting help, doing my PT and slowing down. It also gives me so much gratitude for how powerful my body is and its amazing capability to heal. Lastly, most things in life are temporary…this pain I’m feeling is temporary and I know there are days of hiking, biking and being out on the water right over the horizon. In the meantime, I’m going to lean into ALL of it and learn from this experience.

Don’t forget to buy yourself flowers, you are worth it and I promise they will make you smile. As always, thank you for being on this journey with me – together we can make a difference. Cheers!

I don’t want to speak for everyone, but most of us seem to have a tad bit of chaos in our lives. But do we really?

A little over a week ago, I was hit with complete overwhelm. It felt exactly how an old therapist described it to me. One little thing happened in the morning and then another and then another and then…well, you get the idea. All of the sudden, my mind was swirling with ALL of the things on my plate (and then some) and it hurt to try and breathe normally. I felt very strange and needed to lay down. I use breathing to help calm me and it wasn’t working. I think I was having an anxiety/panic attack.

It wasn’t until 2 days later that I was finally able to take a full and deep breathe. After having some good conversations, submerging into things that bring me joy, truly resting my body, and writing ALL the things in my head on paper…I felt like myself again. Do you ever feel so overwhelmed with what feels like one million things going on in your life and on your to do list, that you just need to stop and take account of how things are going and why you are spinning out of control? I had a realization later that evening – after doing a big brain dump (getting EVERYTHING out of my head and on paper), planning my meals for the week (it had been 2 weeks of flying by the seat of my pants) and making a to do list for the following week…it completely validated that THESE were my tools for dealing with multiple irons in the fire. When I get all of the madness out of my brain and get things planned out, it makes those hamsters on the wheel in my head stop running so dang fast.

This may not be the solution for everyone but this is what works for me. This is yet another lesson is finding the tools that work for YOU and do THAT repeatedly. For me, writing it all down makes what seems impossible possible. It also makes me realize that some of those things that seem SO big…aren’t really that big. Sometimes our mind can make things just seem insurmountable, when they truly aren’t. Do you ever get really worked up about something that hasn’t even happened…you know, future trip about it. That adds to your chaos too. Or how about adding things to your task list in your head to make you feel even more overwhelmed…when, in reality, it will only take you a short amount of time to accomplish.

How about together we all practice simply being present and allowing life to organically happen. Find the calm in your chaos and focus on solutions (whatever that looks like for YOU – this isn’t a one size fits all). Don’t forget to buy yourself or someone else flowers. It will not only bring you joy, but joy to those around you. As always, thank you for being on this journey with me – together we can make a difference. Cheers!

Story time…last week I was fortunate to have a night out with my daughter and her boyfriend. We had a nice dinner, then headed to the Kings game. We parked in probably one of the last parking spots on the top of the parking garage. We were trying to hurry to get to the arena on time. The elevator door was closing and I ‘ran’ to try and catch it. Well, the pro’s and con’s of being very diligent with my pre-surgery physical therapy (I have a complete ACL tear), I have glimpses of where I forget my knee doesn’t work the way it should because I’m truly feeling pretty darn good. I use the term ‘run’ very loosely, let’s just say I took off a little too quickly. I’m sure it didn’t look much better than Phoebe from Friends (face in palm). I instantly remembered that I can’t move like that just yet. I was so uncomfortable at the game and it just progressively got worse.

I was up just about all night in an incredible amount of non-stop pain. I woke up in the same state. I cancelled my entire day (which was a huge bummer, I had fun plans), but knew I needed to rest and get my head screwed on straight. I also have quite a bit on my plate and I’m sure that contributed to the terrible pain I was feeling. I was trying to remain positive, took a few naps and after the second one, I was actually able to walk. I decided to hit the gym and get my PT in. I kept rubbing my knee and was trying to remain as positive as I could – sounds silly, but I DO think it helps. A little positive self-talk goes a long way.

By late the following day, I was moving and not in constant pain. It honestly felt like a bit of a miracle with how much pain I had been in…I wasn’t at a 10, but darn close. I attribute the quick bounce back to a handful of things. I’ve taken my PT seriously – I’m doing PT for my back and my knee and it’s made a huge difference in how I feel. I’ve also been trying to clean up my diet. I will share below some of the healthier alternatives I’ve been stocking my pantry with. I’m focusing on eating more whole foods and if I want a snack, I want it to be cleaner and healthier. Look, I’m not going crazy and giving up my popcorn and an occasional Reese’s, but I just want to make healthier choices. It truly just makes me feel better – mentally AND physically.

I’ve also been very consistent with my morning journaling. I write in two journals – one is my manifestation journal and the other is more of a gratitude journal. This process literally takes me 5-10 minutes MAX, but it’s such a great way to start the day. I also do a 5 minute or less guided meditation. Lastly, I make my bed. These small things in the morning really help my mindset for the day.

Here are some of my latest ‘healthier’ food finds.

I now have every one of these items above on auto-delivery. If I need a chocolate fix, those chocolate chunks are so good, and you only need a few to satisfy your sweet tooth. The faro cups were a pleasant surprise. I’ve only tried one so far and it was delicious and super filling. Add a little chicken or salmon – yummo! My son and I both really like the granola and heavenly hunks. Fun fact for those of you with a gluten intolerance, most of these items are gluten free. I use Thrive market, but you can find these items at most grocery stores.

I realize I always have a long way of getting to my point…make the small changes, focus on what matters most in your life, choose a healthy lifestyle, surround yourself with those that motivate and lift you up. Once you start to see and feel results, you won’t want to take your foot off the gas pedal. You will turn the small things into bigger things. Your 10 minute workout will become 30, you won’t reach for that sugary treat, you won’t engage in conversations that don’t serve you. I’m not saying I don’t have bad days, I’m human…but I have a toolbelt of things that I KNOW work for ME to get my mind and body on track to feel the best I can. What’s in your toolbelt?

This is what works for me and I’ve had many years of trial and error. I do believe in starting with small habits and truly you will feel a shift and want to keep going and increase the time or amount of things that make you feel better and bring you joy. Keep searching until you find what works for YOUR mind, body and soul. Every day is a gift and we need to treat it as such. Go smell some fresh flowers, buy yourself flowers or buy some for someone else. I’m currently in Las Vegas for a conference, so I’m loving all of the gorgeous flower arrangements in the hotel. As always, thank you for being on this journey with me – together we can make a difference. Cheers!

P.S. I finished reading Let Them and it was good and I love the theory behind it, but my favorite so far is the Secret to Love, Health & Money. I just picked up The Power, which is also in the Secret series. Loving it so far – SO many powerful nuggets of just good stuff.

I swear everywhere we turn there is a new ‘Influencer’ on social media. I was listening to a podcast that was talking about the fact that we just have too much information at our fingertips and it is so confusing and overwhelming. I felt that. I’m sure this has happened to you too, you talk to a friend about choosing to eat healthier and suddenly your social media feed is inundated with every possible fad diet, supplement to take, etc. I admit it, I have bit more than once. Eat this, take this pill, walk a million miles, you aren’t exercising right for your age, you should dress like this…it’s just, well…overwhelming.

Then it hit me – in our daily lives as friends, parents, co-workers, on social media, etc. – we are ALL Influencers. We give people our opinions, tell them their hair or outfit is cute, give relationship advice, pet advice, professional advice – you name it. Anything that you hear or see from anyone and anywhere can influence you. You could watch a commercial about traveling to Greece and poof…you want to plan a trip to Greece. I mean, how many times has my doctor told me to stay off Web MD?! (face in palm) I think all of this information available to us is a blessing and curse. If you don’t want to think for yourself, you really don’t have to anymore.

What kind of influencer do you want to be? I’m serious and I’d really like you to think about this. How do you talk to others? How do you treat people? Are you always thankful for what you have or do you complain about what you don’t have? Do you share bad news with others that really doesn’t need to be shared? Do you pay strangers compliments? How do you speak to your family, your children, your siblings? How do your speak to yourself? Yep, I went there – how are YOU influencing YOU?

On the other side of this, who influences you? I used to tell my kids, you are like the 4-5 people you hang around most, choose wisely. This is true in your adult life too. If you are looking to make a big decision, do you turn to a psychic (for real, some people do this), a friend that has never been through what you have, social media…the list goes on? What about looking inside and really thinking about what YOU want. I’m not saying to never bounce things off of friends, family, therapists or whoever…I’m just saying that we need to trust and rely on ourselves more.

In the end, YOU have to live with your decisions and who you allow into your circle. I’m blessed to be surrounded by uplifters, truth givers (even when you don’t want to hear it) and beautiful people that also allow me the space to think for myself. I think we’ve gotten away from this, perhaps it’s a loss of confidence. I know I lived for YEARS with a major lack of confidence and not trusting myself and my decisions. If you have lost confidence in yourself, it’s time to take your power back. I don’t care how old you are, you have the tools to make decisions for YOU. The only one that has to live with your decisions is YOU. Will they always be the right ones – nope, and that is OK. Don’t live in fear that you will make a ‘wrong’ decision. There is no such thing, perhaps it’s a lesson that you should have taken another path, but how do you know if you don’t try.

To answer my original question…yes, you – YOU are an influencer. Permission to make some bold decisions for yourself and stop asking everyone for validation. Stop caring about what other people think. And please please stop comparing yourself and your journey with ANYONE. You only get ONE life, do it YOUR way. How do YOU want to influence others?

Go buy yourself some flowers and have an amazing month ahead. I was greeted by these beautiful flowers when I got to my boyfriend’s last week. I can’t get enough of that one on the bottom right – so so pretty!

As always, thank you for being on this journey with me – together we can make a difference. Cheers!

Have you ever given someone a second chance? Shoot, I gave my ex-husband multiple ‘second’ chances…more than I care to admit. I’ve given friendships a second chance and I’m glad I did. Yes, I have given my boyfriend a second chance…and I’m glad I did.

I’m sure some of you read what I write and make up your own conclusions and have your opinions. I mean, of course you do – I put it all out there. Do I share every little personal detail, of course not. I chose to dive into this blog world to be raw, honest and authentic with all of you. My mission from the beginning remains the same – if one person can not feel alone or relate to what I share, I’m accomplishing my mission. Look, we all have messy lives and if you think your life is excluded from chaos and imperfections…you might want to look in the mirror and be honest with YOU. Guess what – messy is OK. Imperfection is OK (what is perfect anyway?). It’s OK and perfectly healthy to not have everything go your way all the time. That is when we learn and grow. Think about it, if we had no mountains to climb…how would we ever know how to climb them?

I’ve learned SO much over the last few years. I’ve learned what I will and won’t tolerate. I’ve learned to view things from other perspectives, my way isn’t the only way. I’ve learned to conquer fears. I’ve learned that life can truly be peaceful and beautiful with the right people around you.

Communication can make or break ANY relationship. You need TWO willing parties that actually WANT to communicate and understand each other. It wasn’t the 48-hour breakup that mattered, it was the conversation that happened after. I mean, it did at the time – I was a mess…but what happened after truly mattered the most. Sometimes it isn’t the game you lose or the mess you make, it’s how you clean it up. It’s saying you are sorry and actually meaning it. It is the effort made. It is the honest tough conversations of fear and how we got to where we are today. I’ve realized through this process that some really beautiful open conversations can be on the other side of a really crappy situation. I’ve also come to the realization that we ALL have a story (I just blogged about this not too long ago). We all react differently to things, we all have different triggers and traumas from our many years of life…but it’s how you talk about and fix the wrong doing. It’s how you make it right.

Do you ever put the shoe on the other foot – I mean really try and understand where someone else is coming from? You know how sometimes you can hang on a comment or brief remark someone makes (and perhaps they didn’t have any meaning behind it)…you know, they can do the same thing. Do you really listen to what YOU say and how you say it. Perspective was the perfect word for me this year. I’m a sponge and want to continue to learn and grow into the best human I can possibly be. I’m still a work in progress, but gosh am I enjoying the hell out of the journey. I’m truly blessed to have had this man walk into my life (he’s pretty dang lucky too).

As always, thank you for being on this journey with me – together we can make a difference. Cheers!

Sometimes when life leaves you no choice but to slow down a bit, you are dished some perspective. Shocker…more perspective. My goodness. Manifesting is real. My words for the year are LISTEN & PERSPECTIVE and I cannot tell you how many countless lessons I’ve had in those two areas already this year.

This might seem like a silly question, but do you have an electric toothbrush? Do you ever stop brushing before the two minutes is up? I’m absolutely guilty of this, I’ve done it a few times. Really – TWO MINUTES! I’ve since stopped this madness, as I have been asking myself why do I feel so rushed all the time. I mean, we will cut the brushing short (and we are only talking 2 minutes) but will lay in bed and scroll on our phone for 20 minutes (or more)! I’m sure I’m not alone here. By the way, I finally dove into the electric toothbrush thing, it’s not fancy, but it’s great – I highly recommend it…and using it for the full 2 minutes.

When you are driving, are you the one weaving in and out of cars and yelling at people that stop at yellow lights? I’m not judging if you are, I’m just saying slow down…in ALL areas! Are you running late, well, that is probably your fault. You are just going to have to come to terms with the fact that you are late. I got cut off this morning and instead of getting angry and diving into road rage, I cranked my music a little louder and said to myself ‘apparently they need to get somewhere faster than I do’. I once heard someone say that when they get cut-off or someone is driving erratically around them, they just think that they are rushing someone to the hospital and are in a hurry for good reason. Maybe they are and maybe they aren’t…and maybe they need to read this post.

This is your reminder to slow down. Physically, it truly makes you more mindful. You can actually stop and smell the flowers. You notice more of what is going on around you. You tend to be more present. Mentally, can actually be a little more difficult. I always say that I have hamsters running on a wheel in my head 24/7, as it can definitely feel that way. I’m really working on slowing down my mind too. Meditation has really been helping to slow and calm my mind. I use a free app called Insight Timer – highly recommend.

Wow, that quote. I encourage you to read it again. What a beautiful reminder to SLOW it ALL down! This might be an unpopular opinion but…Wake up earlier and take some time for YOU. Listen to the silence and take it in. A rushed morning makes for a rushed and chaotic day. Slowing down allows you to be more present. When we are running around like chickens with our heads cut off, we can miss some really important and beautiful moments in life. We don’t know when our time on this earth is done – let’s make the days count! Slow down, surround yourself with good people and be present where you are. Life can throw you some loops, but one thing you can control is YOU. Slow it down guys, get up a little earlier and start your day off right – not rushed and with a good positive vibe…whatever that looks like for you!

Have an amazing rest of the month/week…can you believe it is almost March!? Don’t forget to buy yourself some flowers (stop to smell them) and celebrate yourself!

Life continues to throw lessons and perspective at me that I’m not a fan of, although I’m trying REALLY hard to practice what I preach and be grateful for the lessons and dive into why God is testing me the way he is lately. Today is my blog day and I’ve fought with myself since yesterday on what I wanted to write about and my thoughts are completely consumed. I’ve promised to be real and raw so here goes. Full transparency, it’s been a real crappy handful of days. When you are going along with your day and you feel that your life is headed in one direction and then suddenly you have the rug pulled out from under you, you have every right to be sad. I’m trying every trick I have (and that I’m currently capable of) to pull myself out of the sadness. What I really want to do is drive to the ocean, go on a long hike and sit on the waters edge for a handful of days…but, then there is reality ( I need my damn knee fixed). Ironically in my last blog, I talked about creating a Happy List. Although, I’ve now had to alter my list…it did help to get me out of a bit of a rut yesterday of drowning in my tears. I chose to wipe my tears and cook, write and read – those things bring me joy. It helped…temporarily, but it helped.

Funny (for lack of a better word) how quickly your life can change. One minute I’m happily attempting skiing again and then bam, ACL torn. One minute I feel like I’ve met the love of my life and the next, we are no longer together. When you lose someone you truly care about and they are still alive, it feels like grieving. I’ve never been broken up with…and this is a perspective (damn me and my word of the year) that I didn’t want to experience in my lifetime. I want a list of what I did wrong, what didn’t I do, what did I do…I’m sure you want to know why too (only because people are nosey). The truth of the matter is, it just doesn’t matter. If someone wants to be with you, they will fight for you and WANT to be with you. The ‘why’ aspect is completely irrelevant. After days of questioning my worth and value, I keep reminding myself that I AM enough. It’s OK that I love hard, it’s OK that I crack wide open with nothing to hide, it’s OK that after being in a prior traumatic relationship that I put myself out there again only to be crushed, it’s OK that I’m just not OK right now. As my daughter reminded me of my saying…It’s OK to not be OK, you just can’t stay there.

I have edited this post SO many times, as this is so fresh and I’m feeling very vulnerable. The details are personal and I’m not mad at this person and respect his choices – hurts like hell, but I respect it. I’m grateful for the time we had and have been reflecting on all of the amazing memories and lessons I learned while we were together – I will be forever grateful for the time we had, he’s an amazing man. Feelings aren’t a light switch and I pray they start to fade and I continue to heal. I will dive deep into busying myself while I mend my broken heart.

Those of you that have been broken up with – I now see you…I mean, I wish I didn’t, but I do. My daughter said ‘Welcome to the Club’…uh, I didn’t sign up for this club and I want a refund. This is a whole different kind of hurt. One I know I will recover from, it just might take me a bit.

Perfect time for me to start a new book. I just finished ‘The Secret to Love, Health & Money’…such a fantastic book that I will continue to refer to, but I can’t help but giggle at the title and my situation. I started ‘Let Them’ this morning by Mel Robbins. Good timing for me to just Let Them and Let Me. Please don’t be sad for me, I’m sad enough for all of us right now and this quote below hit home really hard. I’m a BIG Good Morning and Goodnight person, as this says, it’s more than just the words. This is going to take some getting used to. Here’s a reminder to those IN relationships…your words matter, your actions matter. Make that person feel like the most special person on the planet and they should make you feel the same. Don’t take your person for granted.

I continue to learn the hard way that life truly is a paradox. You need the rough roads to make the beautiful roads that much more magical. May this new week bring new blessings and continual healing to all of you. Healing is definitely a constant journey and I’m not letting up on the gas pedal on this journey of mine. I’m worth it and I’m enough – and so are you! Permission to buy yourself flowers or buy some for someone else. My son surprised me with flowers on Valentine’s Day (I sobbed like a baby) and my daughter’s sweet boyfriend also got me flowers. Thoughtful boys who knew I needed something to smile about. Let’s focus on those things that bring us joy and remind ourselves that no matter what – we are perfect just the way we are, don’t you dare change for anyone!

But first, quick story time…I posted my last blog on Wednesday, the 22nd. I try to post a few times a week, but this week had different plans for me. I had an awesome handful of days and then Sunday Funday came around. I have been wanting to try skiing (after a very long hiatus) for a year now. My boyfriend is a good sport and got me all decked out in gear for our day. This was a big fear of mine to face, yet I was excited to give skiing a try again. I’ve had up’s and down’s with back pain and I was feeling good, so it seemed like all the stars were aligned to hit the slopes. We had two short runs and I was feeling a little hesitant, but ready. Then, it was like everything happened so fast yet in slow motion. I wasn’t going very fast at all, my ski just went a slightly different way than my knee. Wah Wah Wahhhhhh…I will spare you the details of the rest of the day, but I needed a ride back down the mountain, there were quite a few tears and a whole lot of pain. Major gratitude for my boyfriend being extremely patient and for taking such good care of me.

I’ve been asking myself all week…what is this trying to teach me, what is the lesson in this crappy situation. This happened on Sunday and it is now Saturday. I’ve had a few rough days and my daughter (who is one year post ACL / Meniscus surgery) said to me ‘it’s OK to be angry and upset at the situation’. She completely validated me. I also felt proud of myself for conquering a fear. It certainly didn’t turn out the way I thought, but I gave it a shot. I’ve heard a huge emphasis on patience and strengthening my body. The patience is inevitable, I don’t have a choice…I have one speed right now (and it isn’t very fast). This is a huge awakening that the older we get, the more strength training we need to do. Message received, this has now climbed my priority chart, for sure. People, strangers even, have been overly kind. One woman asked to shop with me at the store and hold my items, etc. I literally had 4 things to get, but what a generous offer. I’m open to accepting help. Lastly, I’ve been reminded how powerful journaling and reading something positive every morning and night is. For the last handful of nights I’ve been wallowing in my sorrow – no reading or journaling. I journaled last night and again this morning and definitely woke up with a better attitude…still in pain, but a better mindset.

Now that you’ve probably heard more of a story than you wanted to…this brings me to my point. I’ve been keeping two journals for about 3 months now. Don’t get all crazy, I’m not asking you to write a novel, but I would like you to hear me out on this. One journal I keep has daily prompts. I reply to the short prompt and write what I’m grateful for. This will literally take you a handful of minutes – NO rules, permission to write freely about whatever the heck you want. Although, I absolutely recommend writing down what you are grateful for on a daily basis – morning, midday, night…whatever works best for you. Just do it!

My other journal is my manifestation journal. I literally write 2-4 sentences of whatever comes to my mind. I start my entry the exact same every morning…’In divine timing…’. I don’t want to put a time stamp on things, when it is meant to happen it, but it WILL happen. These are my hopes, dreams, aspirations…I literally envision myself living this life. Often times I write in present tense. I’ve had one of my manifestations come to fruition. I truly believe that what I’m writing will be my reality…believing in yourself and your dreams matter!

Journaling can be so powerful and the most beautiful part about it, is you can do it however it fits you best. You can write your life story, write about something funny that happens every day, something kind that you did for someone or that someone did for you, something you are struggling with…whatever you want. This is YOUR journal! Just try it. It’s a nice way to wind down from your day and/or start your day. My routine is about 15-20 minutes in the morning when I first wake up. I write in both journals, read a minimum of 5 minutes from something positive and about a 5 minute guided meditation. How we start and finish our days are SO very important.

You’re in luck. You can get your very own Heal Cook Love journal (pen included) from ME! $15.95 plus shipping – what a deal! Please keep your messages, comments, etc. coming – I love it all! You matter! Please don’t stop dreaming and pursuing the life you desire…fulfilling and peaceful, it’s possible! Permission to buy yourself flowers. My sweet boyfriend bought me flowers last weekend to celebrate my 15-year work anniversary – so thoughtful. I’m working on my menu for the week – that’s coming up next. Oh, and still not sure what’s wrong with my knee, but for now, I’m sitting in the lessons and trying to keep a positive attitude. Much love!