I swear, I say this so often these days…you just don’t know how something feels until you experience it. Period. You can try to understand, but you just can’t…you need to live it and breathe it to totally get it. Even then, your experience is different then the next person, but you have a better perspective on how it truly FEELS.
My daughter not only celebrated a birthday this last weekend, but she also moved into her official first place. They found the cutest house to rent and they are all gleaming (the dog too) with pride in their new digs. As her Mom, I am elated with joy and so very excited for this stage in her life…and mine too.
It’s weird, I think we refer to empty nesting when our kids leave for college but that isn’t really it. That just prepares you for the big leave. My daughter has moved out two times previously – one time locally to attend our local junior college and then out of state to finish college (she lived in a dorm and apartment there). So, yes, she has ‘moved out’ before, but this is the BIG one. This is the ‘she’s not coming back’ move. And crazy enough, I’m OK with it.
I truly took a day for myself on Sunday. My body AND mind needed it. I was upset that I couldn’t just blow through my place and get it spic and span, I have temporary physical limitations right now. Instead, I focused on what I COULD do. I would go from room to room and tidy/cook/rest. I made a little game out of it. When I rested, I was either writing or just thinking. I wasn’t sad for my girl moving out, I had this overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness. This is what SHE wanted and this is what happens in this phase of life. I had a bit of guilt for feeling so free and not feeling sad. It’s the oddest feeling…it’s like I made it to the finish line and have this incredible sense of pride and joy for my child. Will I miss not seeing her as often, 100%, but that just makes the time we will spend together that much more special. Bring on new memories!
Some of you want your kiddos to never leave and I’m not judging anyone here. I’m just giving a little perspective. I recently had this realization that my #1 and job I’m most proud of for the last 23 years is MOM. I have given my blood, sweat and tears to try and be the best Mom and role model I could be. Am I perfect, far from it…but I wear that badge with pride. It’s now MY turn. It’s my turn to put ME first. My children have and will always be my number one, but I need to teach myself how to put me first, and not feel bad about it. This is a beautiful stage in life. It’s the time to sit back and watch all of the fruits of your labor truly LIVE their best life.
Last October, I posted a Blog entitled Flying (you can read it HERE). As I started typing this blog I thought, I swear I’ve written about this. As I re-read that blog, I still feel the same…but different. I absolutely LOVE watching my kids’ in this phase of life. They are figuring things out and although at times I’d like to insert my commentary, I’m really trying to LET THEM (Thank you Mel Robbins). Her book ‘Let Them’ has really given me more enlightenment to let them do what they need and want to do. There are no failures in life, only lessons.
My son has been out of town and it’s been weird coming home to a completely empty place – no extra mouths to feed, no dog, very little mess to clean…it’s just weird. Although my son comes home soon, and I cannot wait to give him a big ole hug! He will be taking off soon to college and I feel confident that I have given both of my kiddos all the tools to live a peaceful, happy and abundant life. I’ve done my job. Will I ever stop being their Mom and do Mom things – heck no…but I’m going to embrace this friendship phase with them. They are pretty dang awesome human beings and I know they are destined for great things, things that truly make their hearts happy. And, I’m going to embrace ME. I’m not afraid to get older, I’m not afraid of what the future holds, I’m damn excited! I feel very free. Life is what you make it and I’m intrigued about this chapter in my life and I’m not going to apologize for it!
And then, poof, as I’m finishing this blog, I get a little dose of complete validation of my feelings. I got a facetime call from my daughter giving me a tour of what she’s done with the place since the weekend. She had a smile plastered on her face the entire time. There it is, joy all over again. Big changes that I’m embracing. It’s interesting when you have this vision of where you think you’d be at this phase of your life – this wasn’t what I envisioned. However, I couldn’t imagine anything different. I’m letting life unfold, focusing on me and watching my kiddos soar and it’s truly beautiful.
Hey Parents – I’m giving you permission to feel whatever feelings you have and be proud of where your kids are, at whatever stage. Support them, love them…but let them be too. There is so much power in allowing them to figure things out on their own, and it’s magical to experience. Go get yourself some flowers to brighten up a room in your place. As always, thank you for being on this journey with me – together we can make a difference. Cheers!
